There once was a drunken chica - no, this isn't the start of a limerick, but a life lesson of how communication is so important in our lives.
How many of you have been in a relationship, whether it’s with a partner, parent, child or friend and been disappointed by something they’ve done or not done, said or not said? Then with being disappointed, we make the choice not to say anything and have the disappointment sneak out in other ways. Perhaps it sneaks out through silently sulking, or through picking a fight about something completely different or by misdirecting your anger toward someone else. When we do this, we are treating ourselves and the other person with disrespect. It is the not so pretty part of being human.
I recently acted this out with Match.com man. It was our one year dating anniversary and we were going back to the place where we had our first date. It’s been an incredible year and I have a blast with him every time we are together. Match.com man is wonderful, makes me feel special and I hope I make him feel the same way. But, because I am who I am, anniversaries and special days are important to me. I had built this day up in my mind to be something spectacular. I bought him two meaningful gifts, one being a picture of him and Don Burgett, a WWII hero and author of four books who just happens to be my son-in-law’s grandfather. The other gift was a heart shaped cookie with Match.com man piped on it. Yep, I was ready to roll with romantic gifts.
When I arrived at his house and excitedly gave him his gifts, I noticed he looked like he felt really bad. Oh no, I thought to myself, maybe I overdid the whole chick sentimental stuff. Then he apologized for not getting me a card or a gift and I suddenly felt like someone gave me a shirt that said – I celebrated an anniversary and this is all I got!
Something snapped in my head and I started talking to myself, “isn’t this just great, I bought him a gift and a BIG cookie, and all I got was an apology. He didn’t get me anything”. Oh yes, I was making him wrong as wrong can be. I was standing in a place of holy righteousness. I didn’t say anything because I was an emotional coward and I didn’t want to make him feel bad. But I still made him wrong.
I know we’ve all done this in a relationship and rather than just saying, “hey, I’m a little disappointed I didn’t get a card” we secretly pout. And, for me, all the blogs, daring greatly, trying to be a better person and a good role model deserted me like a scared friend. My secret sulking only got stronger.
At the bar, I had one drink and it went down so smoothly, I had another which tasted better than the first, then another and another and another AND another. Soon, everyone was my best friend, and I was the prettiest, smartest, funniest girl in the bar and every one wanted to be my friend, or so I thought through my vodka induced haze.
Then, we went home and I suddenly remembered why I was two-drink Teri. Because I can’t handle anymore than two drinks. Shame faced and mortified, the bathroom floor became my bed and the man who I made so wrong earlier in my mind became one of the kindest people I know. He simply took care of me. The man who didn’t get me a card showed how much he felt for me, not by giving me a Hallmark card, but by buying me dinner (and a lot of drinks), taking me home and carefully making me comfortable. And, he didn’t laugh too hard at me. By the time I was able to move without loudly moaning, I realized I had acted out, not been honest with him or myself and was mortified beyond belief at my behavior. I hate making a fool of myself and doing it publicly is even worse. I spent the next day miserable, feeling incredibly hung over and beating myself up for being such an idiot.
What did I learn from this mess? I learned this could have been avoided just by being honest and loving. I learned I was horribly and humbly human. I learned I’m way too old to drink so much vodka. I learned it is so much easier to reach out and just say with love, gosh, I’m disappointed. I learned I was no better than Match.com man for getting him a gift and card. I learned I made him so wrong and didn’t treat him with the respect he deserved by telling him honestly what I felt. I learned to accept someone’s love in the way they give it, perhaps not through a romantic card, but love shown through caring for someone who is not at their best, through loving a drunken chica, even when she is sleeping on the cold bathroom floor. I also learned, once again, how to apologize.
By the way, Match.com man hit it out of the park on Valentine’s Day - flowers, card, dinner and two drinks! And, on Easter he bought me flowers, a card and candy and all I gave him was a chocolate bunny. Trust me, he was able to communicate how disappointed he was!
My drunken chica wishes for you.
I wish you can or learn to communicate speak honestly and lovingly when something is upsetting you.
I wish you know even if people don’t show you love in the way you hope, they love you in the way they can.
I hope you see even when all your goals, roles, and actions fail miserably, you are still awesome and worthy of being loved.
I wish you hangovers that only last one day rather than three (oh yes, three long miserable awful days).
I hope you are loved by someone who loves you when you’re at your worst and is still able to laugh with you about it, later, much, much later.
I wish you know how wonderful you all are, no matter how many times you feel ashamed, no matter how many mistakes you think you make. Remember, you are simply wonderful.
With infinite love and gratitude,
Imagine my surprise when I found out it wasn’t all about me, that the universe did not revolve around me as its center. In one week, in three different conversations, three different people pointed out that it wasn't all about me and they shared right to my face it wasn’t about me. I was flabbergasted. What? Really? How did I not know this?
I suspect I was born with the talent to view myself as the orientation point of a widely expanding universe. My divorce after a 26 year marriage merely reinforced a lifelong tendency to see the world in terms of me. No matter how many years you are married, a divorce becomes all consuming, where you measure how the significance of a moment, a conversation, an action in terms of its effect on you. The questions that consume you all ensue from that one event, that one change, taking over your life. How will I survive the hurt and pain? How will I help the children through the changes to their lives? How will I pay the house payment? Who will partner me for card tournaments, mow the lawn, deal with the water heater? This process reinforced a natural tendency to interpret the world through the "me" lens...until a three-part wake up call.
The first ring of the alarm came from Match.com man. We were at lunch having a very nice time together discussing my frustration over my 21-year-old son. I was frustrated because I wanted him to take an action and make a decision, but he was resisting all nagging to hurry up and decide. So I moaned over margaritas about my inability to motivate my son, expecting sympathy from the man who is normally so supportive. To my everlasting shock, Match.com man didn’t empathize, didn't give me sympathy, and didn't even agree with me. He just looked at me and said “I don’t mean to be harsh, babe, but this isn’t about you." What! Did he just tell me it wasn’t all about me? And the alarm just kept ringing as he continued: "You might want to let your son have the time and space to work through his own choices in his own way, in his own time because this is about him."
Thank goodness I had a margarita to gulp because I was speechless, which I hate, and because he was right. It was about my son, who needed not nagging and frustration from me but support and love. So, I told Match.com man something a man doesn’t hear from a woman very often: “Babe, you’re right!”
The second ring of the alarm came at work. In this situation, my boss was talking to me about an operational scenario, and I, being so anxious to please, apologized, somehow sure it was my fault. After all, if the universe goes awry, it must be my fault because it revolves around me. My boss looked at me in her thoughtful way and said, “I hate to break this to you, but it isn’t always about you”. Again, I had to concede that she was right. I was overusing my "me" lens and transforming a work issue into a "my" issue.
Finally, the third wakeup call came from a friend. I was telling her about a situation early in my divorce process when I was seriously down in the dumps. My friend, who had listened to every one of my stories throughout the whole process, just looked at me and said “Girl, for the umpteenth time, this it isn’t about you, it’s about the divorce. It’s time to move on and you need to be getting over it” She’s an honest friend for sure. This was her way of telling me to swap out my "me" lens for a "you" lens. I think she was trying to tell me you need to focus on something looking forward rather than something looking backward. I hope she was telling me she loved me, too, in spite of my repetative stories.
A three-alarm wake up call, the universe (of course) telling me that it is time for me to stop making the subject of every sentence about me, to move away from the center and to expand with an expanding universe. So I'm trying, I’m owning up to it and Match.com man thinks I'm making progress. As he recently pointed out, “Babe, you may not think you’re the center of the universe, but definitely the solar system!” And I say to him, how awesome is that?
My Center of Universe Wishes for You
I wish you know that you are the center of universe and it's surrounded with love and gratitude for you.
I hope you see how important you are in the universe and the incredible impacts you have on everyone around you. You may not know it, but others think you are the center of the universe, and they love you for it. What a gift!
I hope you have that one honest friend, who in the middle of your moaning and groaning, will look at you with love (and maybe some impatience) and will tell you the truth even if it's hard to hear.
I hope you have one person in your life who gives you total and absolute support sprinkled with love, honesty and caring.
I hope you know how much I care about all of you. You inspire me everyday to be a better woman, friend, partner, and co-worker. And, while I may seem self-centered, I look outward towards you for all my motivation to grow, take risks, and be just me, the center of the solar system.
As always, with infinite love and gratitude,
Life changes and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. It happens fast, it happens slow, sometimes it’s wonderful and sometimes it’s dreadful. The only thing we can do is handle the changes and how we do that makes us great or makes us small.
On New Year’s Eve day, I woke up and next to me was Match.com man’s golden retriever, his fat rat terrier who had wiggled his way under the covers and one of the four cats. Match.com man had already left for work at the ungodly hour of 5:00 a.m. and I had fallen back asleep. When I woke later that morning, I thought to myself, wow, how life changes.
I remembered last year at this time my divorce was just weeks away and I was stressing about starting a new life as a single woman in her 50s and mourning all the changes. Now, a year later, I was in an awesome, exciting relationship and amazed at all the incredible new chapters in my life.
I thought about how much there is in life to be thankful for. My son and son-in-law returned home safely from Afghanistan; my daughter is back at school and thriving. My mother, who is battling lung cancer with bravery, is still with us. Match.com man and I are doing wonderful. I’m in good health and all’s well with my family. I thought about how the Chick Chain Walking Club website was mentioned in a Huffington post article courtesy of the awesome writer and attorney, Alison Patton. Her graciousness opened up a whole new world for the website and walkers everywhere. For that I’m eternally grateful.
I also thought about the tragedies in the world today and again how quickly life changes. My heart feels like it stops beating when I think about the needless and unexplainable deaths of Newtown and all the other places in the world where lives end so violently. There’s no explanation or reasoning that can be done about such horrific losses.
I also thought about the prayers I send to the universe when I hear about another solider being horribly wounded or losing his or her life in a war so many of us have forgotten is still being fought. It breaks my heart but yet I'm grateful for their courage in keeping me safe.
Out of my reflections of 2012 and all my experiences and life changes, I made some resolutions. Of course, losing weight is one resolution, but I thought, what the hell, let’s go big or go home. I want this year to be about being the best I can be AND helping others be the best they can be.
Recently, an author’s words inspired me to accept how life changes and create bigger, more daring life resolutions. The book is by Brene Brown, “Daring Greatly”. This is an incredible book about taking chances, even as we live our ordinary lives. She bares her life and research in a funny, thoughtful, and brilliant way. Another thing that triggered my thinking was a sign in a grocery store (of course, I bought it) and it says “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone!”. It so encapsulates the book and how I want to live my life – with daring, stepping outside my comfort zone.
As I think about my resolutions, I also think of the resentment, anger and fear I see in myself and I see in others. Life is too short for all of that. Is it worth all the effort we put into making others wrong so we can be right, acting like a princess, feeling entitled to an easier life, or just carrying the trash and list of all wrongs done to us? I can only speak for myself, but it is a heavy load which needs to be laid down and forgotten. All the fights and disagreements you’re having with your brothers, sisters, parents, friends, ex-husband, ex-wife, whatever the case may be, it’s just not worth it. It’s making us live small and holding us back from being daring and brave enough to move beyond our comfortable zone.
My life changes and New Year resolutions challenge to you is to live and dare greatly – go beyond your comfort zone. Accept that life changes! What do you want your tombstone to read? “She was a bitter, angry, unforgiving person, cloaked in unhappiness and may she rest in peace at last”. Or do you want it to read “She dared greatly, loved deeply, hugged with infinite love and gratitude, and laughed joyously in everything she did”? I like the second one better, how about you?
Here are my 2013 resolutions – live and dare greatly this year
Every day, recognize a person’s greatness and tell them about it.
Dare greatly beyond my comfort zone.
Let love continue to grow.
Never give up.
Make my gratitude list even longer every day.
Get a bigger vision board and add more dreams to it.
Let go of the fear of looking stupid.
Let go of the bitterness which sometimes haunts me.
Let go and let life’s current carry me where I need to go.
My 2013 Wishes for you
Listen. It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give someone.
See the greatness living in you. And, yes, you do to have it!
Forgive one person every month. Truly forgive them, even if it takes forgiving them every day.
Apologize to one person you’ve hurt. Tell them what they can count on you for from now on.
Let someone be right.
Hug. Truly hug – an infinite love and gratitude hug. It is so healing for both the giver and receiver.
PS..As an ending note, I can’t thank all of you enough for all the love, support, kindness, fun and room to grow you all have gifted me this past year. I hope 2013 brings so much of the same for you!
Own it, love it and stand tall!
With infinite love and gratitude,
Why did Joy stop walking with us?
To the chick chain’s surprise, Joy just up and stopped walking with us, and we felt really bad about it. Was it something we said to make her not want to walk with us?
My chicas and I have been incredibly close for the past two walking seasons. We have walked steadily, increased our training distance and lessened our time, did this year’s Mackinac Island Eight mile race and overall felt pretty good about ourselves. This summer we worked hard in the grinding heat giving up weekend hours with our families to get ready for a race.
But for some reason right before and especially after the race, Joy stopped walking with us. She disappeared like the warm summer weather. She seemed to get frustrated when the weather got cooler and rainier. She wanted to watch TV, spend time at home and shop on the internet.
Joy didn’t seem to show up at our walks anymore or she was late and we missed her horribly. Was it something we did? Was it that she just didn’t want to walk with us anymore? We missed her so much and it wasn’t the same experience without her. We didn’t know why she wasn’t with us any longer and we all felt, well, a bit sad.
You’ve probably figured out by now that I’m not talking about a person, but a feeling we all seemed to lose this fall. We lost our joy ~ our mojo. Joy accompanied us every time in the past, but now we seem to suffer from a common malady that drove joy away – a lack of motivation, dissatisfaction, uninterested, bored and feeling overwhelmed with other things that were clamoring for attention in our lives.
Suddenly walking became a chore and not the delight it was for two beautiful seasons. What happened to us? For me, I had a foot injury then foot surgery and another chica just felt the walking and increasing the distance as fast as we did become a chore and no fun. Plus it was a record breaking hot summer!
We didn't have a professional coach pumping us up, talking to us and coaching us about getting over the hump. There was no one to train us to get motivated and recharged. We were just tired out and It’s really just us motivating each other and when we all are in funk, what should we do? We were at a loss.
Many things in our lives are changing. Some of the spouses are retiring (we are in that age group, after all). Some of us really want to retire but a divorce put that on a back burner. Some of us are dating a wonderful man (that would be me) and rebuilding a new relationship and that takes time. Some of us have graduating children and others are running their own businesses. I had foot injuries that took me out of the walking rotation and while I hate to admit it, I was actually relieved for a while. (I’ll deny it if you ask me!)
Life changes impacted our joy of walking. It took me a few months to lose that relieved feeling and I finally realized I was really beginning to miss the feeling of being more in shape than I’d ever been, feeling stronger than I ever was, and more importantly I really missed my chicas. So much so, even though I couldn’t really walk, I met them out walking one Sunday just to have their camaraderie and connection. For me, that was the most important thing of all - the feeling I was connected to a delightful group of women where we all had a common bond of friendship.
As, Chris DeFouw, one of our most dedicated walkers wrote in an email to those who had missed a walk. “We had a lovely walk Sunday morning at Hawk Island. Saw deer, turkeys, ducks, and a great blue heron. We need to get back out on a nice day. We need to find our joy again, where the walk is looking around and sharing, not trying to accomplish a time or get ready to complete a distance. We need to take pride in our accomplishments, but also take time to enjoy our surroundings and each other.”
Chris put it so well! We had lost joy – our joy of exercise, of being connected, of just enjoying the gorgeousness of the outdoors in all it’s wondrous seasons.
So, how did we get our joy and mojo back? We did what every well rounded chica does. We went out for drinks and dinner, of course! (And I shopped afterward, just to be sure I got my joy back!)
And, because we’re women, we talked about what had been working, not working and acknowledged it was OK if some of our own goals weren’t the same as some of the others. We chose a different race for 2013 that fit the needs of everyone – it has a 5k, a 10k and 25k for all different fitness levels. We are chose a new location – beautiful Traverse City on the shores of Lake Michigan. We are scheduling a wine tour on Mission Point peninsula for after the race - a great motivation.
We left the restaurant smiling and it wasn’t just the alcohol. It was a old goal made new again. Recommitted, regenerated, reconnected – a new goal for the Chick Chain.
I recently came across a quote summing up the joy that comes from walking and being connected. I like the quote because I believe I think my best thoughts when walking. I hope one day you’ll join us and share the joy.
"Methinks that the moment my legs began to move, my thoughts began to flow." - Henry David Thoreau
My “Why did Joy Stop Walking With Us” wishes for you
Know that even if you stop walking, running, swimming, or just plain moving, it only takes what a good friend told me “one step, just one step” to get moving again. No regrets, no looking back, no repercussions, no self-recriminations, just one step to move again. In fact, I went to meet the chicas one day and unfortunately I was the only one who could make it that day. I sat it my car, surfing FaceBook on my smart phone trying to come up with any excuse not to get out of the warm car into the cold weather. But, I took that one step out of the car and walked. I felt so great and joy filled afterward.
Just one step is all it takes. For exercising, for believing in yourself, for life changes, for reaching out for love, for giving love, for letting go of your fears, for reaching out for your goals, for daring to be who you should be, and for being filled with joy. Just one step is all it takes, the other steps will follow.
Realize it’s ok to wonder “what the heck?” Why am I doing this? Not just for walking, but all things in life. Sometimes things just don’t fit right and you can’t quite put your finger on it – like putting on a coat that’s a bit too small – something just isn’t right. Take time to pause, breathe, and relax. The answer will come to you, especially if you’re out walking and moving.
I wish for the joy of life to be with you at all times, whether you’re in a place in your life where everything is going wonderfully, or if you’re in a place of darkness, filled with questions, doubts, and wondering.
I hope joy finds you in all the bright and dark corners of your life!
Own it, love it and stand tall!
As always, with infinite love and gratitude,
PS…as always, my many, many thanks to Patty, Jane, Chris, Jane, Barb and Judy. Without whom I would be a boring, solitary, lonely chica waiting for those damned Manulo Blahnik shoes to go on clearance. And, yes I would buy those shoes for 340.00. Just sayin!
Also, much gratitude to the Sake Bomb women who taught me 1) don’t go out in the humidity if you have big hair 2)be careful with Big Mo or you may start a fire and pop a circuit breaker, and 3) spend as much time as you can with friends, for they are what makes life worth while.
Bad to the Bone
“B B Bad to the Bone” ~ George Thouroughgood
“It’s Good to be Bad” ~ Cruella DeVil
“When I'm good, I'm very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better.” ~ Mae West
I have my vision board. I believe in myself. I have found an amazingly wonderful man and have a very nice, fun and healthy relationship. I have my daily gratitude list. I have an incredible loving circle of family, friends, and co-workers. At last, I am in a perfect place at a perfect time and I love every minute of my life.
So, why oh why, do I feel like being Bad to the Bone some days? On the Bad to the Bone days, I feel like flipping off drivers who cut in front of me and yell bad things at them. I want to use the F-Bomb more than I normally do. I don’t want to make the daily call to my 82 year old mother who still makes me feel like I’m 16 years old and trying to sneak in after curfew. I want to go to a bar during the day, drink too much and then go get another tattoo (really - three is enough).
I want to go to the Nordstrom’s online site and buy those Manolo Blahnik Mary Jane Black Patent Leather Pumps for a mere $685.00. I have been eyeing those damn shoes for two years and they are truly the devil’s own temptation.
I want to eat as much as I want from the moment I get up in the morning until I go to bed and not have it count. I don't want to exercise just because I don't want to and not feel guilty about it.
I want to find people to blame, I want to list people at the bottom of my happy list and I generally don't want to take any responsibility for anything.
Wouldn’t you like to once, just once, get a free day in life and act out towards the world - to set aside the grown-up mantle and just be good at being bad and generally nasty? Other people do it and get away with it, why can’t you and I. Wouldn’t it be nice to call a jerk a jerk to their face? Or, just tell someone what you’re really thinking – yes dear, those tight jeans really do make you look fat and by the way you are not a very nice person either.
Truly, it’s like an evil and misbehaving second personality takes over. Luckily, I’m an adult most of the time and I don’t act on all the temptations I feel. Most of the actions would be hurtful to the people I treasure in my life and hurtful to me. But the enticement to be bad is so very strong.
So, where do these bitchy witchy feelings come from? Are they estrogen uprisings and upheavals? I don’t think so and plus I’m way past estrogen rebellions.
I always sense when I want to be my baddest to the bone, I am not being true to who I am. And when you’re feeling bad to the bone, who are you? It’s hard to confine and define those feelings as just feelings and know this is not who you really are.
I have noticed my “I wanna be bad” times happen when I’m feeling out of control and life is throwing challenges at me so fast there’s no time to recover before moving on the next challenge. I know I was extremely bad (oh so bad) when I was in the process of a divorce and couldn’t figure out how this could be happening to me. I couldn’t even stand being with myself. It was a stressful and understandable reaction. I was acting out rather than acting like the person I wanted to be.
But, what if there’s nothing really wrong in your life? There’s no dissonance or drama and yet there’s this underlying dissatisfaction with the way things are. A friend called it “getting into a funk”. She translated “funk” to mean doing the same things in the same way, work is the same, spouse is the same, children are the same, sex is the same, responses are the same to the same things, and nothing ever changes.
How do you move past the Bad to the Bone and I’m in a funk feelings? Well, you may decide to revel, roll and reel in the feelings and blame everyone around you for your sorrows.
Or, you may recognize, acknowledge and own how you’re feeling at this moment and realize feelings are just feelings and they will soon pass. Your life will soon be reset, rebalanced and realigned with who you are and who you want to be.
I recently saw a phrase that fits our Bad to the Bone feelings. It was tattooed on a nail technician’s wrists - “This Too Shall Pass”. Really it was and I’m not making this up – This Too was tattooed on one wrist and Shall Pass on the other wrist.
There is a myth about the phrase. The myth tells of a king who lived long ago and proclaimed to his kingdom that he would give half his riches to the person who gave him a phrase he can use in any circumstances at any time. A wise old serf stood in the long lines of both the poor and rich who wanted to tell the king their phrase to use. Finally, it was the serf’s turn and he whispered to the king “This too shall pass”. The king sat back in his throne and thought about the words, then smiled and told the wise man, yes this was the phrase that could be used at any time and in any place. Sadness, Happiness, Sorrow, Joy or Hate, they will all soon pass away. The wise old man was suddenly a rich wise old man.
So, if a King, a Wise Man and I can feel Bad to The Bone, so can you. Especially when we trust and believe the Bad to the Bone feelings shall pass us by as well.
My Bad to Bone wishes for you
Know that when all is good and when all is bad to the bone, this too shall pass!
You know that feelings are just feelings and will soon be gone like the fog burns off in the morning sun. The sun does come up again and it brings a day to celebrate the bad to the bone feelings have finally passed and you conquered the temptation to buy Manolo Blahnik shoes once again.
You accept that the good, the not so good and the bad will always come at different times in your life and they too shall pass.
You realize that even if you’re feeling Bad to the Bone, you know you are awesome and wonderful.
Even if you use the F-Bomb a lot, eat not one but two Butterfingers, complain about life, are late to work, spend too much money, you are still beautiful, worthwhile and valued.
You believe and trust in yourself. Never doubt the challenges in your life, they are there for a reason and those too shall soon pass you by after the lessons are learned.
Love it, own it and stand tall!
With infinite love and gratitude,
Like a lot of people in this world, I’m sometimes hindered by thoughts of what others might think of me.
What if I do it wrong, what if someone laughs at me, what if I fail, what if I look stupid, what if I look fat, what if I make a fool of myself, what if I spill food all over myself, what if I trip and fall, and what if I get lost on my way to where I'm going (oh yes, I get lost a lot).
Negative self-thoughts frequently come a-calling. I fight them and sometimes they win and sometimes my more confident self wins and I’m able to laugh away the negative feelings.
I want to be like Match.com man. He is fearless. Maybe it comes from being in the Army, but hearing family stories about him as a boy, I think he was always very confident and not held back by wondering what others thought.
Recently, I watched him walk up to a litterer and tell him to pick up his trash. The culprit had thrown out trash on a busy university sidewalk. The litterer resisted and Match.com man called him a dumbass and told him once again to pick it up. As a retired officer, perhaps he thought the man would obey with a salute and a yessir! But, the litterer took exception to being called a dumbass and fierce words were exchanged. Through the whole exchange, ironically, the wind blew the trash away. Match.com man was not happy and I’m thinking next time the young man will think twice about littering . At the end the spirited conversation, Match.com man just walked away shaking his head at all the dumbasses in the world. I had his back through the whole interchange even though it was from 25 feet away (ok, maybe more like 50!).
The point is Match.com man didn’t care what anyone thought. He wasn’t afraid of taking a stand and moving into action. It was nothing but a young man throwing trash on the sidewalk until Match.com man called it – someone doing something careless and thoughtless. What freedom it must be to stand in a place of not worrying about what others may say about you!
A few years ago, in my search to be free of being frozen by what others might think of me, I attended a class called Landmark Forum and came away with many useful ideas and tools for living a life full of possibilities. One of my favorite stories from the training is a story about three umpires.
Three umpires were walking together after being at a convention for baseball umpires. One of the umpires was a rookie, brand new to the game with only a few months experience. The second umpire was a journeyman who had been on the job for three years. And, the third umpire was a veteran, a real master of the game who had been an umpire for twenty years.
As they were talking, the rookie umpire said, “I know my job as an umpire. There’s this clear-cut, clearly defined strike zone and I look inside that strike zone. If the ball is there, it’s a strike. If it’s not there, it’s a ball. I call ‘em the way they are!”
The journeyman umpire, who had several years more experience than the rookie said, “Well, that’s all right, and that’s exactly the way I did it when I first started out – I looked inside the strike zone and did my best to call ‘em like they were. But after a couple of years, I realized that the best I could do is call ‘em like I see ‘em!”
Finally, the master umpire spoke up. “You know, when I was a young rookie starting out, I went through that period when I thought I could call ‘em the way they were. Then as I got more experience, I figured the only thing I could do was to call ‘em like I saw ‘em.
But now that I’ve been doing it for twenty years, I’ll tell you what – They ain’t nothing until I call ‘em!”
What if we could break long time thought patterns and habits just by thinking of them differently? Calling them another way?
You can choose to keep thinking the same way and play it safe, never venturing to swing at a pitch because you might make a mistake. Standing frozen with fear and doing nothing gets you nowhere but kicked off the team. You get to “ride the pine” and wishing you were in the game of life, but watching others play from the sideline, never taking a chance, never taking a risk, playing it safe and never being really happy or satisfied.
What if you’ve been calling yourself and your life a failure? I thought I was a huge failure because of my divorce and I carried that negative way of being around for a long time. Now I’m calling it one of the most freeing things to ever happen to me. It forced me to view myself and my life differently and I think I came out of the challenge a better, stronger, and more compassionate person.
Somewhere, somehow, I found the courage to take a swing at a different life. I created a different rule book, stepped down from the safety of the bleachers and started to be in the game of life. I decided to call a different game.
And, with the grace of God, after a few strike outs, I hit a huge, ever-loving, grand slam in the bottom of the ninth and now I’m jumping with joy. I have never been in a walking club before, let alone start one and to be with such a wonderful group of chicas is a never ending delight. I have never built or maintained a website before or had the courage to write a blog or walk in long races. I wished for but never believed I’d end up dating such a wonderful and caring man. It feels unbelievable and fantastic.
So now, I’m calling my life differently. I’m conquering all those niggling, haunting, sting-like-a-bee negative thoughts. I’m calling me successful, I’m calling me beautiful, voluptuous, fun, laughing and laughable, wonderful, exciting, loving and loved, and most importantly of all, I’m calling me fearless.
Life is exactly that. You’re the one who has the power to call how you live and it truly is nothing until you call it. What freedom is that! Anxiety be gone! No caring what others think! And, you know what, it works. Why? Because, it ain’t nothing until you call it.
Eventually, I just may call a dumbass a dumbass to their face and I won’t need to run like hell or have Match.com man watch my back, though it’s nice to have a pinch hitter waiting in the dugout.
My “it ain’t nothing until you call it” wishes for you.
You step out with fearlessness and see you have the power to know it ain’t nothing until you call it. Give up those old I’m a failure, I’m fat, I’m not pretty, no one loves me and other hurtful stories from the past – they’re only true if you call it so. What happens if you call them a success, a learning experience, a gift from the universe? They take on a completely different meaning. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO DO THAT!
You see how being frozen and safe leaves you less than you’re meant to be in life. Get up, move forward, don’t look back and start being in life’s game!
You live your game of life with power, courage, faith, joy, and laughter.
You remember that anything you resist, persists.
You live anxiety free. It’s an awesome state of being!
You take a chance – you may hit a grand slam. Think of all the people you’ll be impacting in a positive way and how they’ll jump with excitement and celebrate with you in a loving circle at home base. And, by taking that chance know that even if you strike out the loving circle of people will still be there!
And, may you have always have the courage to call a dumbass a dumbass.
Love it, own it and stand tall.
As always, with infinite love and gratitude,
Being vulnerable sucks! Handling life changes, uncomfortable relationships, work, personal challenges and weight gain sucks too!
Life offers us all sorts of clues on our journey, but, over and over again we choose to ignore the clues. They don’t scream, yell, stomp or act out in a hissy fit. They aren’t easy evidence like in the game of “CLUE” where it’s obvious that it was Miss Scarlett in the library with the candlestick.
Life’s clues are quiet, hushed whispers on the wind, brushing by us with the hope we hear something we need to hear, see something we need to see.
I knew my marriage was tanking for a long time. I chose to ignore the clues because I believed I could soldier through and it was simply a blip that happens in all long term marriages. Having a partner totally withdraw mentally, spiritually and physically is a pretty good indication something is way more wrong than just a blip.
My mind has a remarkable capacity for ignoring anything that might cause pain. Thus, I had to be pushed, shoved and shaken into acceptance. My ex-husband moving out was the ultimate wake-up clue. Hello! Yes, it did take that, plus a few other shenanigans to really make me open my eyes to what was going on and the fact my marriage was over. It sucked. I know that’s not a polite adjective but it truly identifies how I felt. While it was ultimately the best thing for my life, it just sucked.
A work situation slowly arose as an issue on my team. The clues were there, softly surrounding me. I sensed there was something going on, but in my typical don’t want to be vulnerable fashion, I ignored, denied, disengaged and generally looked the other way. It took a conversation from someone outside my team – my incredible and supportive boss – for me to see what others were seeing. There was a small crack in a high performing team that would take being open and vulnerable to mend. Oh yes, it sucked! After digesting the completely honest feedback from this incredible team, I knew it could be remedied through better communications and understanding not everyone saw the world as I did.
In another area, my mother’s health began to have issues. With my perpetual rose colored glasses on, I tried to ignore her deteriorating health as long as possible. I denied she was slightly beginning to slip mentally as well. Then my older sister hit me up side the head with reality. I had to face my mother had incurable lung cancer. She was suffering emotionally and mentally, and soon, we as a family would have to take care of her. It is horrible seeing a parent suffer so much and I wanted to deny and ignore such an uncomfortable reality. Again, it sucked.
Why do I deny all these clues? Well, I avoid feeling bad. I avoid emotional discomfort at all costs. Who likes feeling pain? Ok, outside of Fifty Shades of Grey, not many people do.
I am, by nature, an extremely optimistic and positive person. I see the best in everyone and sense their wonderful potential of who they could be. The issue is that while I see their possibilities, I choose to ignore what makes them so wonderfully human, the knowing along with the good must come the bad and the ugly. So, I close my eyes to the clues telling me something’s less than upbeat.
As humans, I think we all have vulnerability issues. I’m not alone in my “missing all the clues” personality. No one wants to feel unliked, unloved, disconnected or alone. No one wants to feel as if people we love and need may not love and need us as much, so we avoid situations or a reality which make us feel that way. It may feel shameful to be caught out in the open, disconnected from truth and susceptible – less than perfect. Oh, the perfectionist control freak in us hates being caught unaware, vulnerable and in the open. That would suck.
I recently viewed a video by Brene Brown on how vulnerability and connection are traits of people who live a whole-hearted life. Her information was an eye opening and I suddenly felt ok to be imperfect, vulnerable, flawed yet have the courage to live life wholeheartedly. To take “it sucked” out of my vocabulary.
Her talk is honest, hilarious and thought provoking. My favorite phrase from her talk is “Connection is why we’re here. It’s what gives us purpose and meaning in our lives.” She spoke about being open and vulnerable, and that willing to take a chance leads us to live a “wholehearted life”. It is my hope by following the road of being open and vulnerable, my direction will lead to more fulfilling connections and relationships.
Here’s the link and I hope you find much good in it. http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
After viewing her speech a few times and because I want to be as successful as I can in living a whole-hearted life, I inched my way along the road of Open and Vulnerable. I wasn’t going to tell Match.com man about my work situation because I didn’t want him to think less of me as a person and a leader. He knows I’m not perfect (well, I’m pretty sure he knows I’m not perfect), but I certainly didn’t want to lend a hand in helping him see my shortcomings. But, what the heck, I’m not flawless and I value his opinion.
I told him what the situation was and how my actions and behaviors were a cause of the problem. He was wonderful, thank goodness! He listened closely and gave me great feedback on how to glean what’s important, not take it all personally and grow from it. I breathed a huge sigh of relief at his reaction. He took care to be kind in my vulnerability. I was incredibly grateful for his support and he was on my gratitude list that day for sure.
So, how do you deal with being full of denial, cluelessness and using “it sucked” as your speech pattern? Well, first of all you accept “Denial is not a River in Egypt”. You begin seeing reality as it is and stop avoiding being vulnerable. It may take something mind altering and life changing like a divorce or the illness of a loved one or, it may take realizing the uneasy feeling you’ve been experiencing lately is a sign something is just not quite right. Listen and feel it. These are the signs, the clues, telling you something you need to hear.
Then, you accept being vulnerable and take steps to rip off the rose colored glasses. Here’s where being confident, open and self-loving comes in – the truth is not going to kill you. It’s the opposite of the phrase from the movie “A Few Good Men” – you can
handle the truth. You may feel like crap for a while, you may think this sucks, but you’ll survive, live, love and be stronger for it. And, you’ll be living a whole-hearted life. My “Denial is not a River in Egypt” wishes for you
You see and listen closely to life’s clues. They are there whispering to you to solve a life mystery.
You know feeling vulnerable sucks and its ok!
You take the clues, are open and vulnerable, and know there is peace in taking a chance, taking a risk without the safety net.
You realize shame is a part of the bad and ugly shadowing the good. Shame uses fear to defeat us. Shame is like an electric fence surrounding and holding all good things from you. Once you get the courage to climb over the fence, you quickly realize it holds no power. Shame is a fake and looks more menacing than it really is. Acknowledge the shame and move as quickly beyond it as you can.
You see the truth – you are beautiful, kind, loving, loved and smart – the clues are all there and there’s no denying it.
And, you see you have the dimness of bad and the ugly too. That’s OK. Its part of what makes you so wonderfully and universally flawed. It makes the good even better!
As always, with infinite love and gratitude,
PS…Thanks to Jaime Dibean for the idea to write about being clueless. And, my thanks to Pam Murray for being an awesome editor.
PPSS…Here’s another link of Brene Brown speaking about shame. Another eye-opener so please take a minute to view. http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html
Who Am I? Rediscovering Me By Jenny Miller
Who Am I? A wife of almost 19 years. A mom of 14 years. A daughter of almost 42 years. A friend. A co-worker. No, really – WHO – am – I ? That’s the question I have been struggling to figure out over the last several years. Somewhere along the way, I lost the definition of ‘me’. Don’t get me wrong, I love being all of those things to all of the people in my life and I try to be my best at each one. But deep down, I realized that in order for me to continue to be my best at each one, I needed to re-establish what made me tick. In my teens, it was figuring out the coolest outfit ever to wear to the dance, which boy I had a crush on at that moment and what I was going to do after high school. In my 20’s, it was being in a long term relationship then getting married. In my 30’s, it was watching my child grow. Now, in my 40’s…..Hmmmm. That’s a good one! I am having the most fun I’ve had in a very long time, I do know that….reconnecting with my husband, building a different type of relationship with my teenage son, and really thinking about what my inner core is all about.
I’ve been overweight my entire life. As in I should have been wearing a bra in 4th/5th grade but wore overalls instead to cover up my B.O.B. (big ol’ boobs)! HA Throughout elementary school, I was always one of the ‘big girls’. I didn’t like it, but I knew it and I accepted it. At the time I thought I did anyway. I tried to be ‘one of the boys’ so boys and girls alike would think I was cool. That worked for a while until I went into high school. Things changed at that point. Then I was just one of the ‘big girls’. I had lots of good friends – guys and girls – but only went on a few dates throughout the entire 4 years of high school. To a big girl, when a guy paid attention to you in whatever fashion, it was pretty much life altering. I spent a lot of time romanticizing my dream guy, my dream career, my dream life. During that time though, I went through a phase where I dressed away from the ‘norm’, listened to alternative 80s punk and rock (definitely not mainstream) and dreamed of living far, far away from the tiny town of Fowlerville, MI. That was my attempt at expressing myself, for sure and I was happy about it!
In the late 80s, I met Todd (my husband of almost 19 years). He was different than any guy I had ever met and was attracted to him from that first introduction. And what do you know, after my BFF Sherri and I hung out with him and his friends for a while, he started to show an interest in me! It blew my mind that someone that awesome would be interested in ME….the ‘big girl’. At any rate, we started dating in 1989, moved in together in 1991 and got married in 1993. Over the years, we experienced many wonderful and sometimes not so wonderful things together, as I’m sure any couple does. In 1998, our son Jake was born. I went into full blown ‘mom mode’…..meaning that pretty much anything and everything I did was because of or for Jake, which is what moms do.
However, looking back, I was no longer just ‘Jenny’….I was the ‘Jenny’ part of ‘Todd and Jenny’…. After Jake was born, I was also ‘Jake’s mom’. I absolutely loved being those things and still do today. The fact is I know I let myself go physically and mentally because those things were the #1 priority to me at the time. I got to the point that I was extremely unhappy – more so with myself than anything because my weight climbed higher than it ever had been before. I translated being that fat into not being worthy or deserving of the things that I had in my life. I guess after spending my entire life being overweight and not liking myself because of it, getting to that point was bound to happen. My breaking point showed itself in 2004 -- for about a 3 week period, I had bad panic attacks, was extremely depressed and was actually physically unable to eat anything but cottage cheese and potato chips (totally bizarre, I know!) because I literally could not swallow food. I missed a lot of work and more importantly missed a lot of life. I finally decided that I needed a third party to help me get through it which to me at the time was unfathomable because I should have been able to pull myself out of it with the things my family and friends told me – that I was a great mom, a great wife, a great friend, a great person, beautiful, smart, funny. The problem was I could not say those things to myself and believe them. The good news is that I saw a wonderful therapist for several months -- she helped me work through it and see the things I couldn’t see. Not to mention the better living through pharmaceuticals!
I wish I could say that was what magically changed things in my life for good. It started to go downhill again in 2009 - to the point that Todd and I almost got divorced. He was tired of me not being the me he knew and fell in love with years ago. And, he was just straight up unhappy. Our relationship was dicey at best. But alas, out of all bad things come good things -- as much as it didn’t feel like it would ever be good again. I had a lot more introspection to do. Since then, we have had our ups and downs. We are stronger and more committed to each other than ever. We are best friends. He wants nothing more than for me to be an individual and to do things that make me happy. He is one of the rare men that think it’s what’s on the inside that makes you beautiful and not always about how you look on the outside. (But he still thinks I’m the hottest thing ever! J ). I thought I knew what it meant to love and be in love. I definitely learned that being able to do that fully is a result of loving yourself first (which I learn to more and more every day).
Since April 2011, I have lost 95 pounds and a total of 24 inches off my waist and hips. I still have several more pounds to go, but I am proud of what I have accomplished – without drugs, surgery or wacky gimmick diets. I feel a lot better physically and no longer take blood pressure medication. I am able to do things I haven’t been able to do in a very long time and this summer am looking forward to hitting the amusement parks to ride roller coasters for the first time in about 17 years. Sweet!
Going through the journey of rediscovery is not always easy. It may take a lot of years, cause a lot of heartache to you and your loved ones, and just generally suck sometimes. It’s a work in progress. I am not fond of saying that part of rediscovering myself took my marriage almost ending and me losing a lot of weight. However, those significant things happening in my life led me to where I’m at today…it changed the way I think about things, how I view things around me and just me in general. I realized it’s a very good thing to get back to being ‘just Jenny’ – to enjoy the things that make me happy (not just what I think will make everyone else happy), to have my own thoughts and feelings, to read a book if I want to, to hang out and drink adult beverages by the bonfire until 3 a.m., to sing again with a women’s chorus, to get another tattoo, to be the older version of the teenager that was just doing her thing. And I am having an absolute blast now!
I’m exactly where I want to be. I’m happy with me. I’m thankful and grateful for all the people and relationships I have in my life. And I deserve all of it!
PS...Note from Teri
Jenny is a great co-worker and an awesome friend. She is inspirational and a wonderful person. Plus, she makes me laugh everyday at work! You can't ask for more than that. Great job, Jenny and I know you'll touch so many people with your story.
Thank you so much. You ROCK!
With infinite love and gratitude,
"Walk Like You Mean It"
I've become a big fan of walking.
Not that long ago, I would have scoffed at the idea. I would have been angered at losing a parking spot near the store, lugging my chair the length of a soccer field to watch a game, or forgetting something in that parked car after walking inside the store or out to the soccer field, so unwilling was I to walk.
I imagined that other people, unfortunate people, walked. If I had to walk a mile in your shoes to get to know you, we would have remained strangers. The lucky, successful, and happy people got to drive and park close. I envied the handicapped their blue parking tags.
My joy of walking came organically. I noticed that walking made me feel better. I was happier having walked. It started over the past fifteen years primarily through a parking situation that required me to criss-cross the city to balance two contract positions. Once I got over the self-pity, I realized that walking wasn't bad, even in winter, or even in the rain.
Before I bore you any further, the real gem I have to share is this wonderful video from YouTube wherein a doctor and an illustrator with bad-ass whiteboard skillz explains why half an hour of walking a day can make a huge difference. See the video 23 1/2 hours a day at this link. It is illuminating. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUaInS6HIGo
Even before I saw that video, I was convinced that a good walk is a fine thing. It gave me an excuse to return to the golf course; my incurable mediocrity led me to banish myself, but I will now venture out for a round if only because it is a fine walk even if you lose your balls.
I make a point of walking at lunch to get my food. It reminds me that our ancestors spent hours every day wandering through forest, over plain, and up and down hills to gather food. So a thirty minute walk to the coffee shop for a sandwich is both nothing and something at the same time. It's nothing compared to what the human body is capable of achieving, but something substantial enough to make a difference in both the immediate and long-term quality of our life.
The video I mentioned earlier was a blessing, like asking the mirror on the wall who is the cleverest of all, and seeing your own reflection in the glass. It's nice to know that walking has great benefit.
So when you walk, I'll only suggest that you walk like you mean it. It's not a race, and I do wonder if "power walkers" shouldn't just go for a jog. But, when I see someone walking so slowly that a stiff breeze is enough to halt their progress, I want very much to kick them in the ass and tell them to watch the YouTube video about the benefits of walking before it's too late.
* Mickey Hadick is quipster that seems to have an opinion about everything. He was born in Cleveland in the year of the last championship for the Browns, and, like the Browns, things have been downhill ever since. Hope springs eternal for some; for the rest, there's the blog of Mickey Hadick: www.mickeyhadick.com
.PS...My thanks to Mickey for being the first guest blogger. I work with Mickey and he makes me laugh (on purpose) every time I see him. He is quick witted, hilarious, creative, supportive and has a savant mind for TV shows and their associated trivia. I'm grateful to have Mickey's support both
professionally and personally. Thank you again, Mickey!
I have been in love with Harrison Ford for almost three decades. Who doesn’t love Harrison Ford? He starred in so many of my favorite movies that I just can’t help having a girlish crush on him.
I’m a 70’s girl and loved, loved, loved the original Star Wars movies. Han Solo. Yep, nothing more to be said! He also played a tough yet vulnerable police officer in another of my favorite movies, “Witness”. He was struggling to protect an Amish family from the bad guys while falling into a forbidden love with the Amish widow. A man fighting to protect those he loves against all odds.
My favorite movies of all were the Indiana Jones series. He played Indiana Jones, an archeologist, professor and hero. Be still my beating heart.
I always wanted to be an archeologist and, in fact, majored in it during my freshman year at college. I found it was not my talent after taking a mid-term lab test and the grad assistant laughingly couldn’t believe I wasn’t able to tell the difference between a male and female skeleton (really? really? – who can?). Shortly after that, I changed my major to elementary education.
Indiana Jones was a true champion. He was everything I wanted to be - an adventurer, an archeologist, a world traveler, a risk taker, always able to get out of impossible and dangerous situations, and surrounded by a great circle of colleagues, friends and supporters. I think the best movie in the series was “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade” with Sean Connery playing his father. They were searching for the Holy Grail to keep it from falling into evil hands.
The Holy Grail is a mysterious artifact. No one has ever seen it and many experts doubt it exists. According to legend, it is the cup Christ used during the Last Supper and one of his followers used the cup to catch Christ’s blood as he was crucified on the cross. It supposedly holds great powers and the promise of immortality.
You may be asking yourself what the heck does this have to do with anything, outside of a love fest for Harrison Ford. Why is this important to me in my life today?
Actually, there is a scene in the movie that sometimes still plays in my head. It’s where Indiana Jones used his father’s journal of maps and clues leading to the Holy Grail. His father was mortally shot and to save his father’s life, Indiana must find the Grail. He is at the sheer edge of a bottomless abyss. The map describes a walkway where there is none and the clue mentions taking a leap of faith. Indiana must take the step into nothingness. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes as he takes the step. Suddenly, he feels what had been hidden from him - a narrow walkway across the abyss. Something hidden to the naked eye until a leap of faith and a courageous step of love showed the way to go.
Often, we are confronted with choices that seemingly have no answer, no map, and no way to go except to turn around and go backwards. When in those situations, it would be wondrous if we could take a deep breath and take a step of faith forward. Somehow, something hidden will always appears for support. Sometimes the support may come from our own inner strength, or an answered prayer, other times in the form of loving sisters, a wonderful friend or incredible children.
Recently, a friend of mine was desperately struggling with her life. Crying became her main weekend activity. Why couldn’t she find a wonderful man to be a partner, why was her life so lonely and boring? She was lost, feeling depressed and useless. She was looking for her Holy Grail - the answer to her life, the one goal, the one man, the one job that would make her happy. She needed to take a leap of faith because there was no going back the way she came.
We talked about the movie which was also one of her favorites and I reminded her about the scene. I suggested she close her eyes, take a deep breath, and take a step into the abyss. The walkway of faith would appear. If Indiana Jones can do it, so can she. And, so my friend took a leap of faith and sought professional help. She’ll soon be able to walk across the abyss and it is my sincerest wish she finds her happiness in the journey.
Our life’s journey isn’t about attaining the Holy Grail, weighing the perfect weight (my nemesis), finding the right man, saving or spending every penny, buying the perfect purse or just that right shade of lipstick. The journey is about the journey and enjoying every step of the way, whether the steps are uphill and it’s a struggle to move one foot in front of the other or we are racing downhill full tilt.
My middle sister said it very well. She is a focused, control freak personality (runs in the family). She is a full professor at a prestigious southern university and published author. She gets up at 4:30 a.m. every morning to grade student papers and works incredibly long hours. Here is her advice when I was feeling particularly lost on my journey. I think it applies to all of us searching for our own personal Holy Grail, the one thing answering all questions and making us forever happy. I think she gave good directions.
“We have to take pleasure in the movement toward happiness itself and take pleasure in the "spots" of happiness on the way (sort of like those "scenic" pull-over sites when you are traveling in the mountains--places where you can stop and soak up the pleasure of the vista before you get back on the road). Maybe being happy is learning how to structure a life where you have lots of opportunities to pull over? So right now you've hit a "bad patch" in your journey. So, now's the time to look around and find a pull-over. Sit on the couch with the dog in your lap. FaceBook Sarah or Stephen. Watch your plants grow out back. Heck, maybe it's never been about the destination, but always about the trip? So speaks your “Type A” sister who has always been focused on the destination!”
And, by the way, just so you know, Harrison Ford has nothing on Match.com man. Match.com man is an Army veteran who actively served our country here and overseas for over twenty years. I respect and admire him for his service. So move over, Harrison Ford and Indiana Jones, there’s a true life action hero in my life right now.
My Take the Leap Wishes for You
You wisely choose your journey’s path. You close your eyes and take the leap of faith - the walkway always appears even though you may drop a few feet. You take a deep breath and make the journey your life ~ let go of the belief that life will be perfect when you reach the perfect weight or shape, find the perfect partner, or get cosmetic surgery. Instead live your life and be present in the journey’s moment. Love yourself on the journey. As one of my chicas recently said to me, “why do we give so much love to others, yet give so much criticism to ourselves?”
And, finally, if you want to be an archeologist, don’t let a skinny, scrawny-bearded grad assistant talk you out of it!
Love it, own it and stand tall!
As always, with Infinite Love and Gratitude,
PS… I recommend another movie called “The Way”. This is a slower moving movie, no guns a-blazing, no sculpted male abs, no scantily clad babes, no shoot outs or buildings blowing up. (How many of you have I lost with that description?)
It is more of a thought provoking movie about a man taking a long pilgrimage to honor his son and learning life is not about the perfect destination but about the journey, the family and the friends we choose to love along the way.